I Feel This Loss: Grieving Sammie Okposo

Sammie and Friends

As long as I remember, people tell you to take heart when someone close passes, knowing they have gone to a better place.
In all my days in church, I have never heard about how to handle grief. People say he/she has finished the race. People also say, "our prayers are with you." The most I have experienced is the comfort the Holy Spirit gives. The Word and prayer never cease to deliver warmth and the embrace of the Father.

How does one grieve appropriately?

No two persons similarly experience grief. Some common experiences include difficulty concentrating, apathy, anger, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, withdrawal from others, irritability, intense sadness or tears, numbness, loneliness, or a sense of separateness from others, and loss of life's meaning.

Late Prof Ogbomo, Late Sammie, Molly, Myself, and Efosa in Chicago

Fortunately, much of the process of healthy grieving is genetically controlled. Acknowledging and growing from losses is such a natural process that much of it will happen without our direction.

I have had to find time and place to weep and ball over the loss of loved ones.

With the passing of Sammie Okposo, I am first in disbelief.

Anytime I am in worship, and I remember Sammie, the crying and wailing resume. Not sure why this hurts so bad. I am going through all kinds of emotions. I am angry. I look through posts, and I see lots of hypocrisy. Then I calmed down, knowing Sammie had a Heavenly Father who loved him so much.

Flint Benefit Concert with RCCG Michigan

Grieving a painful loss is essential because it allows us to 'free up energy that is bound to the lost person, object, or experience—so that we might reinvest that energy elsewhere. Until we grieve effectively, we will likely find reinvesting difficult; a part of us remains tied to the past.

Calling and being in touch with the friends and family of the one who passed helps.

I have been pulling up pictures and recordings.

"All loss is loss."

Some people try to minimize their loss by ignoring their feelings or self-medicating. Some others downplay grief.

Some say, "It's not a big deal; you'll be fine." or "You should be over that by now." These statements are not helpful and, on the contrary, are pretty hurtful. Most people know the feeling of grief, and if they don't remember now, one day, they will. Jesus foretold that we would suffer in this world. He didn't say we might suffer; he said that we will.
"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world." (John 16:33)

Mission to Flint, Michigan, with Sammie, Pastor Mayowa, Myself, and the girls.

What Jesus offers is a solution to coping with the grief we experience. No matter where we are in the stages of grief, keeping our connection with God alive is vital. Jesus conquered the world and believes we can do the same.

One way we can keep our connection with God intact during our challenging seasons of grief is through song. When prayer feels inadequate, and we want to do more to connect with God, we can simply turn on a hymn that speaks to the pain of our circumstances.

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Sometimes song and dance can make the difference between an evening spent in despair or an evening spent in peace. The various tributes held by musician associates of Sammie in the United Kingdom, United States, and Nigeria have brought soothing to many hearts. Naomi Classik's rendition during the industry tribute resonated with my spirit. I received instant calmness!

Naomi Classik

"Na only you I know

Even if the world no see so

I go let them know

That everywhere I go

Cos even times when I fall

You catch me

You raise me you no troway me

I do know if any other person

Go fit love me like the way you love me

Oh papa oo

Ooh Daddy moo

Because you love me so na only you I know"

Journaling is very helpful. I have been writing for the past many days. This can become part of your daily routine where you jot down your thoughts on the subject, or it could be a supplement to processing by yourself.
Tapping into your creativity. You may consider a creative outlet. This could look like arts and crafts, — the possibilities are endless. It can be an intentional way to channel your energy or a positive way to put your mind elsewhere.

Result of journaling since Sammie left for heaven

Talking things out. The WhatsApp group of Sammie's friends has been a mecca for comfort and healing. When you're ready, consider talking with friends about the good parts of what you've lost or the hard parts of what you're dealing with.

No matter what our intense experiences of grief may be, they are temporary. There is life after grief—if we acknowledge and work through our reactions rather than trying to stop them.

But healthy grieving is an active process; it is not true that "You just need to give it time."

One way of understanding the work to be done is to think of grieving as a series of tasks we need to complete (not necessarily in sequence):

To accept the finality of the loss;
To acknowledge and express the full range of feelings we experience as a result of the loss;
To adjust to a life in which the lost person, object, or experience is absent.

If we could control every circumstance in life, there would be no need for God. There is very little we can control. If we are in a season of grief, more than likely, we did not choose to be in this season.

Letting go and letting God can be very difficult. When we do, the reward is peace of mind (Philippians 4:7).
This song (Let Go, Let God by Dwayne Woods) by is a reminder that no matter our degree of suffering, God hears, and he will rescue us.

I couldn't seem to fall asleep

There was so much on my mind

Searching for that peace

But the peace I could not find

So then I kneeled down to pray

Praying help me please

But then he said you don't have to cry

Cause I'll supply all your needs

As soon as I stop worrying,

Worrying how the story ends

I let go and I let God

Let God have His way

That's when things start happening

When I stopped looking at back then

I let go and I let God

Let God Have his way

There's so much going on

Sometimes I can't find my way

And often times I struggle

Struggle from day to day

I have to realize that it's not my battle

Not my battle to fight

I have to know if I put it in your hands

Everything will be alright

I have been listening to all the songs #SammieOkposo wrote and trying to hear his heart.

Farewell brother #SammieOkposo #instagram #instagood #instablog #instablogger #instablog9ja

To be continued...

_______________________________________________________

Dr Uvoh Onoriobe
Editor, Real Relationships Magazine

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Medical Missionary @ www.hhands.org
editor@realrelationshipsmag.com
Author of Emptied Cup. The book is a collection of inspiring stories of God's faithfulness in the mission field.
Uvoh is a member of Christian Union Uniben alumni in the United States. He serves as Director of Healing Hands Health Society a faith-based organization with the commission of spreading Christ's love through medical care to all people worldwide.

He has worked as a General Dentist/ Missionary for over twenty years, offering dental services across various communities around the African continent and other parts of the globe. He has had the opportunity to train in various tertiary organizations in the United States.

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