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Village Square - Palaver 1

He slapped me! We got into an argument about his pastor and he slapped me. He could not stand the truth about the wrong atmosphere that he has found his spirit in. When he came to apologize, he said that his action was the only way he could get me to keep quiet on the issue. He promised it would never happen again. Look, I love him, but this promise was the same nonsense my friend’s husband gave but today she cannot hear with her left ear. I am willing to break this relationship because I do not want to be anyone’s punching bag. My best friend thinks I am being too rash, and that he may have truly changed. How do I know he has? Am I really too rash if I break up with him? I trust you will give me the right counsel. 

Village Square In Session

I. O opined:
Everytime I try to excuse the act of a man hitting a woman, I always feel like I am making excuses for another Man hitting my own daughters. I therefore have zero tolerance for that type of behavior and my position is that a woman should walk away at the 1st strike. The second strike may be the one that ends her life or the one that leads to some permanent disability or deformity.
Talking back or talking over a Man should never be justification for hitting a Lady. Men get talked back at or shouted at by their female bosses at their jobs. Do they hit their female bosses? No! Why then must they hit the ones that they claim to love for the same behavior? I find no justification for any kind of physical violence by men against women or vice versa .Walk! Get out at the 1st strike. The second strike maybe the one that inflicts lasting damage.There is enough data and statistics out there to prove that Men who hit women almost always do it again and again and again.

N.F Wrote:
I don't care whatever the argument is. For a man to slap the wife, shows that he has NO respect for the her. And he will do it again. Also, thinking that that's the only way to calm the wife, is the highest height of foolishness

Cano Submitted:
Physical abuse is wrong but as a basis for break up of a marriage shows how shallow the love and marriage is . That slap is not the reason for your opting to break up . Go and think deeper and if possible , go for a Christian marriage counseling. Thank you
Physical abuse in any form is bad but divorce on that basis is not the first line of action . Separation , counseling and other rehabilitation techniques should be explored first . I may be wrong but that is just an opinion that is changeable.

C.O wrote:
If you are still in relationship, my dear pray and seek God’s face on this. If he slaps you or abuses you physically in anyway and feel that’s the best way to keep you quiet/tame or make you behave, he lacks wisdom and self control. After marriage you will become his punching bag. Please go back to God and pray before you jump into marriage commitment. It’s ungodly and wrong to abuse a woman; the thought of calming her down using this medium is pure foolishness and does not reflect the attributes of Christ that he supposedly professes and serve.Love is kind, love is gentle. If he truly loves you, abuse is out of the line.

O.E wrote:
 Slapping your wife to clam issue is not a solution because you will still beat her up very soon to short her mouth. The person in question have to be broken in the aspect of tolerance. Ready tolerate your wife and take her as your younger sister by correcting her not by slapping or beating her because if you continue you will ginger her to begin to hate you more.
 My counsel at this particular time is for you to get yourself busy by going to believing bible church and engage with the activities of God by working in the church. Don't be a bench warmer. The bible says seek ye the kingdom of God and other things will be added so my dear God knows why everything goes this way. Now you don't need to accuse anybody for what has happened but for you to move on so that DEPRESSION will not be come. Wayforward is what you need now. I join you in prayer that peace of God be restored to you and your son. God will fix everything alright just play your part. It's well with you.

T.O submitted:

Separation will give you enough time to make a decision on what to do.
Well my sister I will advise you to take a break from him, pray about it and give yourself some time to think about it. It's not right for a man to lay his hand on a woman, but sometimes we the women should also use wisdom to handle certain situations. If he said he did that to get you to keep quiet then ask yourself do you talk over him when he is talking, sometimes you walk away from argument, just say that's OK or you keep quite while he is talking. If he sees ur not responding to all he is saying then, he might be the one to walk away from you. But if he is in the habit of hitting you all the time separate from him. Leave. Right now all that matters is ur healing. I pray that the good Lord restores hearing in your ear in Jesus name. If it's the first time he did that forgive him, who knows God might use that to teach him a lesson not to ever lay hand on a woman and same time use ur act of forgiveness to restore ur hearing.

A.B wrote:
Are they married or just seeing each other? The questions are important because for her to think of quitting at the instance of his offence makes one doubt if they are committed to love each other. Nevertheless, physical abuse in a relationship is very wrong and he should be counseled. People are be brainwashed to think that their Pastor is the closest person to God which is not supposed to be so. As for my advice,if they are not married then let her be wise and move on because the man is not mature.
D.L Wrote:
I am so sorry that you had to experience that. You should not have to. Are you married? If so, that is not a reason to break up the marriage. Whatever the underlining issue that made him angry enough to do that is what should be addressed by means of counseling and prayer So he gets the help he needs in that area and that this event never happens again. Grace and wisdom be multiplied to you.

.are they married. If they are not and she isn't hearing something contrary from God, she should walk away from the relationship. If they are married them they need major counseling and lots of prayers; and she needs a bit of distance while they handle this to prevent the next level of abuse from happening then maybe she can prayerful take it...

N. O wrote:
I concur. If they are married then they both should go for counseling. With prayers and godly counsel he can actually change. Divorce should not be the first step. Abuse in any form is bad but so is
divorce. It is not inspiring.

C .I Wrote

Irrespective of if she’s married to him or not , I think we all make mistakes and should give others the opportunity to slip knowing we are not all perfect. Several reasons could prompt a slap and most times it takes Godsown to hold back ...I do agree with Cano that physical abuse is bad form but divorce on basis of a slap is not the right way to go .......applications of techniques yes .... if all fails and you see signs of it happening again then take further actions. I have avoided using if it happens again because if it does it’s sure not not come with just a slap and it means it will never stop , sadly .... time to walk away. The friend who had her left ear damaged is not in your shoes so concentrate on you and yours ...... in all for you to see clear signs you need to be prayerful and love with your head after the first slap . My thoughts ...

E.O wrote:

A lot can be read from this account and I am going to try and break it down as I understood it. I want to believe that this couple are not yet married because she said she is willing to break the relationship as she does not want to become anyone’s punching bag. This makes me feel that this is not the first time he has slapped her. I get this feeling because her best friend thinks he may have truly changed. For someone to change means that there is a habit of doing something. Then there is her fear of losing her hearing. While it is possible to lose hearing from one slap, it is most likely that he is a repeat offender. Based on the above my advise for you is to listen to your head and not your heart. Love is a decision and a choice you make. Someone that truly loves you will not hurt you to get your attention even if it is extremely difficult to get you to keep quiet. Another red flag here is that he did not truly apologize. He just wants to continue the relationship by justifying his action. This kind of behaviour is very common with narcissistic people who justify their reactions that is usually not commensurate to other people’s actions. I need you to know that no man has the right to lay hands on any woman be it wife, girlfriend or fiancĂ©. If he has done it once, especially before marriage it is most likely he will do it again. So my dear listen to your head and make a rational decision. You know him better.


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